The HR Hat: Welcome to the Team, Please Ignore the Chaos

You know that moment when a new hire walks in all bright-eyed, and you realize your onboarding “process” is a Google Doc last edited in 2021? Yeah. Same.

Welcome to The HR Hat, where we talk about hiring, firing, and everything in between — like trying not to lose your mind before lunch. Today’s adventure: onboarding. The dreaded, chaotic, often poorly documented process that somehow determines whether someone sticks around... or rage-applies elsewhere by week two.

Why Does Onboarding Hurt So Much?

Because it’s rarely anyone’s real job — especially in small businesses. HR is often "just me, the owner, Googling how to write offer letters while also fixing the WiFi."

You want to do it right, but things get messy fast:

• Equipment isn’t set up.
• The login credentials “got lost.”
• You forgot to add them to the team chat.
• There’s no checklist.
• There’s definitely no time.

So let’s fix it — or at least make it suck less.

The Real Goals of Onboarding (No, It’s Not Just Paperwork)

The first week sets the tone. You're either building trust or building regret. Here’s what you’re really aiming for:

• ✅ Make them feel wanted (not like a surprise audit).
• ✅ Set clear expectations.
• ✅ Get them productive without babysitting.
• ✅ Answer “What the heck am I supposed to be doing?” before they ask.

DIY Onboarding System That Actually Works

You don’t need a fancy HR platform. You need three things:

1. The Master Checklist

This is your lifeline. Break it into categories:

• Pre-Day One: Laptop ordered, accounts created, chat intro drafted.
• Day One: Welcome meeting, org chart overview, first assignment.
• Week One: Schedule check-ins, assign a mentor, send first project.
• Ongoing: 30/60/90-day reviews, training, feedback.

Pro Tip: Use a shared doc or Trello/Notion board. Bonus points for emojis (newbies love the 🎉).

2. A Welcome Kit That Doesn’t Suck

Even if it’s digital, put some love into it:

• A personalized welcome message from the founder.
• A one-pager on “how we do things around here.”
• Links to logins, handbooks, team bios, and your snack policy. (Very important.)

Even better: create a Notion onboarding page that feels like a quirky internal wiki. Include memes. Trust me.

3. The First Week Game Plan

Don’t leave them dangling.

Structure that first week like this:

What About Culture?

Culture isn’t ping-pong tables or branded mugs — it’s the tone of your first week.

• Do you show up to meetings on time?
• Are you honest about challenges?
• Do you share the real wins and faceplants?

You’re not onboarding into perfection — you’re onboarding into your business reality. Be transparent. Be human.

Free Resource: Onboarding Checklist Template

Want a plug-and-play onboarding doc that you can actually use? We’ve got one right here:

📄 Download: HatStacked New Hire Onboarding Checklist (Google Docs)

Copy, tweak, and reclaim your sanity.

Final Thoughts

Yes, onboarding takes work — but it saves so much more downstream. Fewer errors, less confusion, happier hires.

You don’t need a full HR department. You need systems. And coffee. Mostly systems.

So throw on your HR Hat, friend. You’ve got this.